Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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