I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
