I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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