This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
