he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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