I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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