as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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