I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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