Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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