is your mom at the bar?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
