If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize