I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
