Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
