Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize