walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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