I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
