Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She bit a glass in half.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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