Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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