Little spoons don't ask big questions
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
