I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
operation harelip BJ is a go
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
