No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry about my life...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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