Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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