Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't deserve a penis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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