We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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