i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
