the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
