I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
