She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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