woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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