remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
