TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
