Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
