And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
