I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
