i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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