Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
