Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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