why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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