now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize