Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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