If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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