I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
