and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
