Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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