Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
