How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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