I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
