she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You don't make any sense
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