it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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