the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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