This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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