ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
