Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
