You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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