you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize