got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
