Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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