Your tits are I can't wait for
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
