i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
