Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
