with your own penis?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
