They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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