Your face is a jimmy john
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize