If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize