I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
