piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
