My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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