do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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